19

It's been a year and a half now since I last wrote, and I'm extremely surprised that this blog is still being viewed these days, so for all out there that are at least 1% interested in this blog, I LOVE YOU.

Everything has changed.

The problem is, is that I am turning 19 in 2 months and the irony is that I am extremely nervous. Whereas 18 was a turning point in my life, it was the beginning of freedom, adventours and hope. When being 18, you are taken seriously but not to the point where you are expected to act maturely. You can get away with anything. You're the youngest of the adults. 19, however, is different. I have to start thinking about work, I'm looking for my own flat and I'll no longer be the youngest one at University. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!
See, I feel that now that I live in a completely different country surrounded by thousands of people that I don't know I am finally able to be myself. I am finally feeling more confident and comfortable with who I am, and my insecurities are finally fading.
Whereas this, of course, is a good thing, it makes me a bit sad that it has taken me 18 years to get to this stage. I have to admit I have had a great childhood. I am so lucky that I have been able to live in an 'exotic' country, I have travelled a lot, I have been able to go to amazing events and parties and many other things that people are jealous of. Yet I have never been in love, I never did have a rebellious stage and I didn't once get into a fight with my parents. It seems silly, I know, that this is what is making me anxious, but I feel like I must experience these silly little things before I turn 19.
This means, then, that I have 2 more months to make mistakes, get out of my comfort zone and appreciate all the endless pranks and stupid mistakes I can make without worrying about the consequences. It is never too late to be a child again.
- N.

YES!

Popped in to say that this is the end of me on here now. I'm fully recovered, I'm happy and I'm living life and my purpose now is to help those who are in need! 

Which is why I've created justmeandmycupoftea.tumblr.com

Blogspot you have been useful but I'm afraid this is the end of us,

mwah mwah,

Nadia

Moving on

The reason I haven't written for so long is because I have finally managed to move on with my life. I don't exactly know what clicked inside of me, but all of a sudden I feel happy, confident and excited about the bright future that I have ahead of me. Hopefully from now on, people won't be able to confuse me anymore. I won't let people underachieve me because I have proved them wrong: I can succeed without their help.  This is the end of me helping people when in reality deep inside I know that they are using me for their benefit. From now on I will focus on what really makes me happy and nobody's going to be able to stop me.
Thankyou for all those people that have been with me no matter how horrible I probably was through the whole thing.

(This song now has a lot of meaning for me so I'll post it up too)

Let the feelings out

Hello there, long time no see.

The reason why I started writing in this blog is because I figured out that writing out my feelings when I'm stressed or sad always helps me out and, well, these past few months have been really hard for me, so here it goes.

The past 4 months I think have been the hardest months of my life. Because of my recurring illness, I can't concentrate, hardly go out, don't see my friends as often as I did, hardly being able to move of how tired I am... all that adds up to create a huge explosion in my mind. I have felt all kinds of anger, stress, sadness, confusion and I blamed many things on myself that I shouldn't have.

Yet overall, I feel like I gained a lot from this experience and have grown as a person as well. I have become more independent minded, and have started sticking up for myself, which has always been a big problem for me. I also found out who my true friends are, and have realized that many previous things that I used to do have turned out to be something completely fake and unvaluable.

Although it's still hard for me sometimes, I have to keep on going and change many things in my life to have a more possitive view on the future and on life so that, hopefully, everything will soon turn out allright.

Perfection

Before you start reading this, you must know that it is utterly confusing and that you probably won't know at all about what I'm blabbing about.

I helped my friend in her art class today, and she had to come up with an idea for a project about 'Imperfection'. We sat there for about an hour trying to spark an idea, and nothing. Absolutely nothing came up.
I mean, the word Imperfection is just so big, so many things are imperfect.
But...what actually IS perfection? Why do so many people try to seek perfection when perfection doesn't exist?
Most of all, the idea of perfection has changed so vastly during the years. The perfect women in the olden days was an extremely pale and oversized women, since it showed that that person was wealthy, and now it is quite the opposite.
An imperfect person just seems to be much more interesting. They are the ones that have escaped the brainwashing thought of perfection. They are the ones that actually experience things in life, and will eventually find hapiness, because they are the only ones that have stayed true to themselves, when every other person lives in an imperfect bubble of imperfect ideas.
Perfection doesn't represent beauty, it just shows the insecurity in yourself for trying to achieve something that is inexistent. You achieve nothing by searching for perfection.
Overall, Somebody that is imperfect is perfect.

Happiness at its purest.

Goodbye 2011

(The song doesn't really have much to do with what I am currently writing, but seen as it is what I'm listening to right now, I thought I'd might as well post it too)

I met up with a couple of friends for dinner the day before New Year's Eve to say goodbye to 2011. I have to say it was somewhat different to dinners we usually have, and the reason was because it was the last time we each of us 6 would meet up in 2011, the year where we started to, in my opinion, become individuals. After all, all those vast years of flashbacks and memories of when we all used to be in the same school has now vanished, seen as we hardly see each other at all anymore, let alone don't even live in the same country for some.

Of course there will still be many memories to come, but it just seems unusual to think that what went from knowing every single detail of that person's life, from what they had for breakfast to what they were doing in that exact moment, has just ended up being conversations about studies, really. In my opinion, those little facts are usually more interesting than the big facts, seen as they are the facts that you don't really bother to tell any other person, when in reality, they're the most interesting pieces of information about an individual.

But enough of nonsense, what I'm trying to say here is that 2011 for me has been the year when I have basically started to focus on myself; the year I have started to grow independently. The year where I've had to make my own decisions, get used to new surroundings, and most of all focus on what is to become my future. To be honest it has all been pretty intense.

In some way I am sad of leaving so many memories and feelings behind. Of course, the first days of independence are always hard.Yet some part of me actually quite enjoyed all those intense nights where I had no idea what to do. Little by little it made me realize who I really am, seen as I couldn't really be influenced by anybody else. They're the kind of days you just look back right now and laugh about how stupid you were back then.

So here I am, leaving 2011 in the past, starting 2012 as what seems to be in a good mood, because there are still so many things that I have to live to be able to learn from. It is the year when you start to not care what other people think about, and if they do, they're just living boring lives themselves. It is the year to make mistakes, because after all, those are the moments you remember.